I’m genuinely upset at this point. I can’t get over her ever since I was caught being an abusive weirdo to a lot of my peers. Those thoughts of rekindering our relationship have been getting a lot more vile and frighting day after day, I always make up events if I was never a bad person to begin with. I must imagine how shocked and betrayed she was when everyone found out I’ve groomed someone younger than me. Speaking of grooming, I’m distancing myself from my therapist because the feeling that he was enabling my bad behavior while I’m trying to become better is worsening. God forbid me what would happen if I mentioned “her” around him, he’d probably think I was right for trying to fix an unrepairable relationship. I am in dire need of motivation to get me out of this obsessive state. My caregivers are too out of touch to be friends with me and my irl friends have preferred work over friendships.

Fuck it, comments are open. I’m not convinced that simply letting go of “her” will benefit me, I really, REALLY need help on this one guys. Letting me sit alone with my thoughts isn’t going to do the trick no matter how much you want to gaslight me into thinking it’s the only way out 😐