WHY THE FUCK DO I STILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH HARMFUL THOUGHT AFTER HARMFUL THOUGHT. IM LOSING THE BATTLE BECAUSE THE FUCKING DOCTORS AND THERAPISTS DONT DO *SHIT*. WHY AM I OBSESSED WITH KILLING ANIMALS AND HARMING PEOPLE WHO SLIGHTLY CARE ABOUT ME. WHEN WILL THERE BE A CURE TO END THIS DISEASE. IM SO SICK. IM THINKING ABOUT BLOOD AND PAIN. ALL I SEE IS THE COLOR RED. ALL RED. ALL I SEE IS RED AND NOTHING ELSE. WHY CANT I BE NORMAL LIKE MY SIBLING IT ISNT FAIR. WHY DOES MY SIBLING GET A HAPPY NORMAL LIFE WHEN I HAVE TO GET ASSFUCKED BY A NURSE AND BEATEN TO THE POINT MY NOSE IS GUSHING OUT BLOOD BY MY DAD. I CANT EVEN TELL MY THERAPIST ANOUT THIS ANYMORE THE WORLD WILL HAVE TO UNDERSTAND MY PAIN, AND *MY* PAIN ALONE. LOOK AT ME, WHY WONT YOU FUCKING TAKE ME SERIOUSLY. WHY CANT I NOT BE ALONE ANYMORE. WHY DO I SHUT OUT PEOPLE I SEE AS A LESSER, BUT MY GUESS IS ITS A APART OF MY NATURE.

Edit: I made this post because just after I had a mishap with someone on Tumblr I LEARNED THAT MY EX FRIEND FROM 2019 ACTUALLY KILLED HERSELF. A THIRTEEN YEAR OLD COMMITTED SUICIDE BECAUSE OF ME. SHE WAS MY BEST FRIEND. I FEEL EVEN MORE SICK FROM JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. EVERYTHING I SEE IS TRUE AND I WANT TO DIE.